*ring* (again)

*ring*

-Hello?

-Hello sir, I'm calling from Charter Communications. Did you know that we now offer phone service in addition to cable?

-Really? That's interesting. Did you know that cell phones were invented a long time ago?

-I, uh, excuse me?

-Cell phones. They're like hard line phones, except they're not completely obsolete. All the land line benefits, none of the drawbacks. You can put one in your pocket and carry it anywhere, it's great!

-Well, sir, a cell phone may be "great" for when you're on-the-go, but we can offer you a line directly to your home . . .

-Yeah, see, when I'm at home I still use my cell. It doesn't stop working when I walk through the door. That's a factor your company probably should've thought about before expanding their operation into this gasping, outdated technology.

-But, wouldn't you like to have a hard line as a backup? What if your cell phone isn't working?

-Hmmm, interesting thought. Maybe I should get a "backup" phone line. And while you're at it, can you get me an abacus just in case my calculator stops working? Oh wait, my calculator, much like my cell, pretty much always works.

-But what if your cell phone battery goes dead?

-Well . . . yeah, I guess then I could use a hard line phone.

-Exactly.

-Course I'd have to be at home to do that, and if I'm at home I could always, you know, PLUG MY CELLPHONE IN.

-But what if there's some kind of natural disaster, and the cell towers are down? What are you going to do then?

-Ok, let me see if I understand your hypothetical situation here. There's been a natural disaster of some magnitude, and despite being violent enough to bring down all the cell towers near my home, it hasn't affected the hard lines at all. And these are the same hard lines that go out whenever there's so much as a bad thunderstorm. Is that what you're proposing?

-Well, . . . it may sound unlikely, but it could happen. You never know.

-Of course it could. But I'm still not sure I want to pay a few hundred dollars a year as insurance against whatever alien signal-jamming orb that'd be required for that incredibly specific, unlikely scenario.

-Oh but it's not so expensive, I can get you a phone line very cheaply by bundling it with your cable tv service.

-I don't have TV service.*

-You don't? Did you know that Charter offers more high-resomolution HD channels . . .

-Really? That's interesting, did you know that Netflix and Hulu exist?

-*click*

*So I pay a monthly fee for the service, and nearly one-third of it is ads. And I can only see the shows at certain times, unless I want to set something up to capture them. And even then I can only watch them at home.

It only made sense when there was no alternative.

A Thoughtful Review of Some Atari 2600 Game Art

Artists for Atari 2600 game boxes were basically professional liars.

I mean I don't fault them for it, certainly pasting the box with a picture of the actual graphics wouldn't have done much to move those cartridges. I understand they had to spice it up a little, sell the sizzle to sell the sausage.*

But that being said, they took this:

And resolved it to this:

That . . . that is something of a jump, sir. I believe you may have misled a few purchasers of your product with that on the cover.

Combat, one of my first favorite games, committed similar sins with its rather artistic interpretation:

I can assure you, from first hand experience, that the actual game did not quite capture the excitement implied above. And by "not quite," I mean this:

Some games tried to be honest, though, and included at least a bit of the actual game on the box. The most notable example is Pac-Man:

But that juxtaposition of art and game just shows how really, truly bizarre the "narrative" is here. Seriously, what kind of drug-induced stupor led to this generational icon? A yellow thing that tries to eat a bunch of pellets, all the while being chased by ghosts, except sometimes he gets the right kind of pellet and can eat the ghosts so they turn into floating eyeballs.

And sometimes there's fruit.

Pac-Man is a lot like the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." Only when you go back to it after years of fond memories do you realize that it was all just someone's acid trip.

Of course, no conversation of 2600 games would be complete without the most notorious (-ly bad) of them all, "E.T.". Strangely, I find this to be the most genuine box art of the era:

Just look at their faces. Those blank, droopy eyes. The hopeful, yet confused gaze. That's truth in advertising, itself

Because that's exactly what you look like while playing that game.

*

"Buzz Aldrin has lost his sandwich, prepare to . . . fire a circle at some blocks."

Whisper media

It's rude to whisper.

Why? Well that part is complicated.

It's obvious why it's rude to burp: you're subjecting people to something they don't want to hear.

It's obvious why it's rude to interrupt someone: you're treating them as though they are unimportant, and being disrespectful.

But whispering to the person next to you isn't doing either of those things. You're not subjecting the group to anything, and you're not interfering with their speaking.

Some would say that whispering is rude because it gives the impression that you're talking about another person in the room. But that theory doesn't hold up, because we have a similar negative reaction to any "1 to 1" communication in a public venue, even if the communication isn't "whispered," or otherwise obscured.

For instance, it's rude to discuss topics that the group isn't in on. Even though everyone can hear the discussion, and are free to talk amongst themselves, they take it personally that a private conversation is going on in their presence. The classic example of this is "shop-talk," where people that work together talk about their jobs in social settings.

The real problem, then, isn't one of paranoia. It's an issue of "us" and "them."

When you "whisper," you draw a line in the social sand. By creating private communication in the midst of public communication, you inadvertently create a class structure. You've made a distinction between people, which is something people often resent.

Which brings me, quite naturally, to the Walkman.

Technology provides lots of new opportunities for 1:1 communication, and each time a new one pops up we have to reconcile it socially. When cell phones became common there was something of a backlash against them, if you used your cell in public people thought you were self-important.

Portable music devices (which, as time goes on, are also portable video devices) are an interesting case of 1:1 communication. Traditionally, entertainment has been communal in nature because the only efficient way to send it out was to a group. But as technology advances, entertainment has become more personal.*

And I wonder how we'll reconcile it.

*Except for reading, which has always been a 1:1 thing. Imagine how bad it must have been when the skill of reading became common! Not only was a person engaging in a 1:1 communication, it was a form of expression that many people couldn't interpret.

My Experience Watching the Sony E3 2010 Press Conference, Explained with the Medical "Pain Scale"

	Oh boy, the Sony E3 Press Conference! I'm hoping to see some cool games for Playstation Move, some new Team ICO content, maybe even a PSP2! This is gonna be one heck of a show!
	Okay, some 3D stuff. I don't really care about 3D, and it costs way too much for a 3D rig right now. But I guess that's cool, they're trying new things.
	Alright, Playstation Move time! Let's see some titles! A wizard game? Hmmm, looks a little rough, but that's a good concept. What else you got? Oh . . . golf.
	Wow, golf demo is still going huh? I mean it's not even a new game, just a patch for a current game. Uh huh, you swing the thing and it moves the other thing, we got it. Thanks.
	Here we go! New game announcement! "Heroes on the Move" So it's like a Smash Brothers for Playstation? That's a great ide . . . oh it's over already. So, . . . no real details?
	And what the hell was that? They trotted out the actor from their advertising, had him rehash the opening scene of Patton, then showed us their new PSP ad campaign? Commercials? That's an announcement?! That's what you have to show?
	Little Big Planet 2 will let me make stuff. Awesome. First of all, I already knew that. Second, I want to play games, not make them. And Playstation Plus? Wow. How come the only features in it that I care about seem like the kind of thing that should be built in for free?
	Exclusive content for multi-platform games, huh? Is that the new feather in your cap? Listen. "Exclusive content" means "we signed a a deal to keep someone else from having this." It's not really a benefit to me, its a punishment for someone else. And here, "someone else" means "many of my friends."
	Do I even like video games? I can't remember anymore. There are probably better uses of my time. Maybe I should go outside . . . start Living. You know what I mean? Get myself in really goodshape, maybe go on a hike or something. That sounds nice.
	Whelp, now my brain has melted. Yup. Just mush now. Caaaaaaaaaaan't really focus. Urrrrrrrr! If I didn't know better, I'd say they were talking about a new Twisted Metal, but it's probably just a delusion brought on by two solid hours of watching Sony meander through the most boring presentation of video games ever conceived. Prediction for game of the year, 2011? The game where I bang two sticks together and laugh at the sound they make, because watching this has made me crazy.*

*But not this crazy

The FUTURE!

Despite what skeptics say, it's quite clear that the Mayans predicted incredible things for the year 2012! The Mayans, as we all know, are the ultimate authority on future events, since they lived a long time ago and wrote stuff. Their findings are supported by other valid researchers, such as the Aztecs, this new age writer guy I heard about, the BCS computer rankings*, and the internet!

So what will 2012 hold for us? Find out in:

"2012, HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS"

In 2012 . . . The world will enter a golden age of humanity! But it won't matter because . . .

In 2012 . . . The world will be destroyed by a rogue planet!

In 2012 . . . The rogue planet will itself be destroyed when Earth's magnetic poles flip!

In 2012 . . . Survivors will have to throw away their compasses, or else like . . . they'll have to keep remembering that it's the other way! It will mess with people!

In 2012 . . . The magnetic reversal will catapult Earth, which will already be destroyed, through the center of the universe!

In 2012 . . . The center of the universe will immediately enter a golden age, then be destroyed by a rogue planet!

In 2012 . . . That rogue planet will be destroyed by a Mayan god!

In 2012 . . . The Mayan god will come in the form of a rogue planet!

In 2012 . . . Woooooooooooooooo!*

*Also considered a pseudoscience.

Sam's guide to weight loss: Part 5, Steady Burn

"If you want something to happen, begin by creating an environment where it can happen"

That's where we started, and it's where we now end.

Are we products of our environment? Or do we get to determine who we are?

Yes. Yes to both.

Your Environment (capital E - meaning the physical and social environments around you, the environment of your physical body and health, your internal psychological environment, all of it) is always going to shape you. However, you have the power to act on that Environment.

As such, you have the power to author who you are, and who you will be. But to do it effectively, you have to let go of the idea that it's as simple as a decision.

The reason people have trouble losing weight, the reason they get so frustrated by it, is because they're trying to start a fire while standing in water. We are convinced that failure is a function of flaws, that if we can't accomplish something it's because of our own personal weaknesses.

If you are overweight, it's probably because your Environment made it easy for you to become that way. If you struggle with losing weight, it's probably because that Environment is fighting you.

And It may, in theory, be possible to overcome that Environment by sheer force of will, but isn't that demanding too much of yourself?

It may, in theory, be possible to start a fire with damp wood on wet ground. But if you tried it, you'd just wind up frustrated and dejected.

Sound familiar?

This isn't a quick fix. It's difficult*, and anyone that tries to tell you otherwise probably has something to sell. But it can be done. And you know what?

It's worth it.

*Believe me, I know it is.

Sam's guide to weight loss: Part 4, Fanning the flames

I think the "Shake Weight" commercials may be definitive proof of my long-held theory:

"The exercise equipment industry is a running joke, perpetrated on the public by designers who like making people perform ridiculous physical feats."

The truth is that you don't need much at all to be in shape. You can become a perfectly healthy, fit person without spending a dime on equipment, or even a gym.

Just as with dieting, you need to let go of the idea that there's some "magic" to working out. Any physical activity burns calories, so important thing isn't finding the "most efficient way," to work out, but to find the way that works best for you. And the best way, in my opinion, is the easiest way.

"If you want to exercise, make it as easy as possible for you to do so."

Just like with eating poorly, your inactivity probably has a lot of causes that don't relate any personal defects. With many of the people I know, the real problem is that they set out on an exercise plan that are too difficult to stay motivated on.

-Don't start a plan that's too hard for you. If you aren't used to doing cardio, you're not going to be able to start running 3 miles everyday. A better plan is to run a quarter or half mile each day, then increase the distance when you feel like you've got some extra energy.

-Don't pick something that's a logistical hassle for you. Let's say you start a gym membership to lose some weight. How much time does that involve? You've got to come home from school/work, change into workout clothes, drive to the gym, do your routine, then drive home to shower and change clothes again. Even best case scenario, that's probably an extra 30 minute commitment that isn't the workout itself.

That extra hassle makes a difference. Not only do you have to be motivated enough to work out, you also have to be motivated enough to do all that extra stuff.

-Don't choose workouts that are boring! If you hate the activity, that's another motivational barrier. There are plenty of ways to exercise that you'll enjoy, or at least be able to combine with things that you enjoy.

-The "hassle" and "hate" factors can offset one another. If you like the activity, it's worth more hassle. If it's less hassle, you don't need to enjoy it as much.

So with those points in mind, I'd like you to try a very simple plan. It requires no special equipment, wastes no time with preparation, is easy on your body, and is easy to enjoy.

-Take a 45 minute walk everyday.

Doesn't seem like enough, does it? How can you ever hope to lose weight with something so simple?

Well guess what. For most people, that walk will burn around 200 calories. If you're watching your caloric intake and holding it steady, that 200 calorie difference means you're going to start dropping weight at a a nice, healthy pace.*

But maybe you have loftier goals than what a walking routine can provide. I understand. But why not start with this? It will get you used to regular activity, and the weight you lose will make any future workout programs easier on you.

A few notes before you begin:

1. Check your shoes. You'd be surprised how many aches and pains you have may be caused by worn out footwear. And since you're going to be walking more than usual, it's especially important.

2. Keep watching your calories! One of the great revelations of my dieting was that working out makes you hungrier. If you don't keep track of your calories, you end up eating more and compensating for all that exercise. One really good idea-keep some fresh carrots or other veggies around as a post workout snack.

3. Stretch after your walks. You'll be warm and loose from the activity, so it's a good time to do this. It will make you feel better and help you wind down.

4. Keep it from being boring. Take someone with you, or bring music/podcasts/audiobooks.

*Not to mention the psychological benefits.

Sam's guide to weight loss: Part 3, Ignition

With your body rested, your mind aware, finally we're ready to talk more specifically about eating. First, though, we need to add one more item to awareness: knowing your estimated daily caloric intake. You can get this information from a number of sources online. They may vary a bit, but it's a ballpark number anyway. Here's one from the Mayo Clinic. Once you know what you (generally) need to maintain your weight, you can begin trying to take in a little less than that each day.

As you continue keeping a weight and food journal, you'll be able to tune your daily calories up or down based on your results. Important piece of advice here: you shouldn't be losing more than a couple of pounds per week. Any more than that is unhealthy.

So why should manage your diet using calories, rather than fat or carbs?

1. It doesn't matter. You can absolutely lose weight by reducing calories, people have been doing it for a long time, and that's how I did it.

2. I think taking out a specific dietary element leads you to eat a more limited, less healthy diet. Reducing calories can be done across the board, without unbalancing variety.

3. There's no good reason to believe that low fat/carb diets are any faster or better. The body of research on this kind of thing is quite muddled. If you read much beyond the headline of a "Low Carb Diets are the Best!" article, you''ll find that the data leaves lot of room for interpretation. (When I'm done with the principle articles in this series, I'll probably write a supplement about dieting misinformation.)

And you know what? That's basically it. The fastest weight loss I ever achieved came from adding these simple elements-sleeping right, monitoring weight, counting and reducing daily calories-into my life. That's all you need.

But, of course, the real difficulty is holding yourself to those rules. It can be very difficult, and when your smoldering initial efforts die out (and you eat a pint of ice cream one night), it can leave you wondering what the "real secret" to weight loss is.

What makes it so hard? Let's go back to my original thesis:

"If you want something to happen, begin by creating an environment where it can happen"

If your environment doesn't support a strictly controlled diet, it's very difficult to keep one. And that's why it's time to recognize something: there are reasons that you eat poorly, and they don't have anything to do with you being lazy or undisciplined.

Examples:

1. Habit-A lot of people are simply in the habit of eating too much junk food. Seeing a movie? Stop at the candy counter. Taking a car trip? Get a soda from the gas station. Out at a restaurant? Let's look at the desert menu!*

2. Boredom-Food can be something to do, a form of stimulus when there's nothing else of interest going on.

3. Anxiety/Depression/etc. - Like alcohol or nicotine, food acts as a form of medication for many people with psychological problems. And just as alcoholics are treated for those underlying issues, it's really difficult to lose weight if you don't deal with (or at least acknowledge) the emotional background of your eating habits.

"If you want to lose weight, figure out why you don't eat well."

New assignments-

-Start looking back at your food journal. Look for patterns in your eating, especially when you eat sweets.

-Remove all sweets from your home, making it more difficult for you to have access to them.

-Go completely off sweets (candy, cookies, soda, ice cream, anything with a significant amount of sugar) for a couple of weeks.

It's not necessary to completely avoid sweets to lose weight. However, cutting yourself off from them can be very revealing. You'll realize how often you "reach" for those things, and gain some insight into when/why you go to them.

*Labor Day? Time for some donuts!

Sam's guide to weight loss: Part 2, The Tipi

Feeling rested? I hope so. If not, it's ok, because that brings us to another tenant of my philosophy:

"Accept that you won't always stick to the plan. You are not perfect, and it's unfair to expect it of yourself. Don't use individual failures as an excuse to give up, use them as an excuse to work harder."

Success is not a steady upward slope. It's a jagged, volatile line where, over the course of time, the gains are greater than the losses. If you don't understand that, your mental and spiritual environment isn't right for accomplishing anything.

That lesson is particularly important today, since this one has a lot to do with noticing your failures!

Keeping with the fire metaphor, this post is about building the "tipi," the structure that keeps the fire together. For weight loss, your tipi is built from awareness.

Awareness is an important principle in many philosophies, so you see it everywhere. The Zen story of the Tiger and the Strawberry, the old Irish tale of "the music of what happens," even the incredible reasonings of Sherlock Holmes, they all preach the power of awareness.

But awareness is a tricky thing to get a handle on. While humans are quite good, sometimes too good, at finding associations between things, it's difficult "see" those associations over long periods of time.

My sleep advice is a perfect example:

If you don't get enough sleep, you don't feel like working out and you're more likely to eat poorly, right? It makes perfect sense. But because those things are separated by an extra domino (your mood) you probably never caught the connection.

And if that little bit of causality was so difficult to "see," it's going to be even harder to lose weight if you can't observe the nebulous interactions of your lifestyle and your body. The best mental environment for losing weight is one where you can observe those interactions easily.

"If you want to lose weight, increase your awareness: track your weight along with the things that influence it."

This concept is an essential part, probably the most important part, of this series. It requires very little, but has a profound effect. It's quite likely that you'll lose weight just by doing this weeks assignment. Awareness is simply that powerful.

Here are your tasks:

-Weigh yourself exactly once a day, every day, and log the result.

1.Do not obsess over this number. You are not being scored on anything, so there's no reason to "cheat" the scale (Example: Drinking less water during the day will make the number come out lower, but it's bad for you and doesn't actually help anything.)

2.Aim for consistency, so the weight you record will be meaningful. Weigh in wearing the same clothes, at the same time of day. The best time (for reasons I'll get into later) is first thing in the morning, before you eat, drink, or shower.

3.The measurement doesn't even have to be "accurate" in an absolute sense. Even if the scale is off by 2 pounds, it will still register the change in your weight correctly, and the change is what we're really interested in.

4.Do not avoid your scale! If you ate too much yesterday, it's going to be reflected when you weigh in. Accept it. Don't avoid the scale for a day so you won't have to see the high number. If you do that, you're losing the awareness that we're after. Seeing your habits reflected is the whole point.

5.Remember always that the goal is awareness of how your weight is changing, not getting a "prize" of a lower number or a "punishment" of a higher one. You are weighing in to help yourself "see" what's going on.

-Log everything you eat, along with the (at least approximate) calories.

1. We'll get further into diet next time, but for now just do this much. It's not as time consuming as you'd think either. Here's the method that worked well for me: Get some index cards and pick one up on your way out the door each morning. Write down every item that you eat in a day, along with the calories, if you know them. If you don't know the calories, look them up later and add them in. Write the date on your card and file it away somewhere. (You could also put your scale results on these cards.)

2.You don't have to aim for a particular number of calories (yet). I just want you to become aware of what you're eating, and be able to see it over a period of time.

3.Don't worry about any other factors besides calories (fat, carbs, etc). I'll talk about that later too.

Why are these habits so important, even more important than sticking to a diet or exercise routine? How is it that people lose weight from doing this, even without ascribing to a particular diet? Simple.

-It's easier to resist another helping of dinner if your weight was a little high this morning.

-You're less likely to get dessert if there's a card in your pocket reminding you that you had a donut after lunch.

-There's no better encouragement for getting a little exercise in than thinking "I've eaten pretty good today, if I take a walk tonight it might bring tomorrow's weigh-in down a bit. That'd be nice."

So next week, I want to see 7 index cards or journal entries from you*, and don't slack off on your sleep.

*Figure of speech, do not actually send me these.

Sam's guide to weight loss: Part 1, Kindling

"If you want something to happen, begin by creating an environment where it can happen"

Remember that statement, because it's very important. It is the guiding principle of everything I have to teach you in this series.

Example: Imagine how you'd build a fire. You'd gather dry wood, sorting it into light kindling and heavy logs. You'd get some paper to get the flames burning quickly. You'd arrange everything so that the smoke could escape and fresh air could get in. You would, in short, create fire by creating an environment where fire can happen. Only once that environment was prepared would you concern yourself with flame.

Yet when it comes to weight loss, most people spend their time trying to pick a brand of lighter. They read articles and books about this or that diet, they watch news reports about "how to get the most out of your power walking" or worse "why exercise won't help you lose weight." And they're always asking people like me, people who have been through it and lost a significant amount of weight, the same ridiculous question: "What's your secret?"

And the only answer I can give amounts to "stop trying to build a fire in a pool."

-Stop trying to follow an exercise routine that your body isn't ready for

-Stop trying to follow a diet when you've got a bowl of candy on your coffee table

-Stop trying to lose weight without getting enough sleep

Did I throw you with that last one? Then you're my audience. Here is your first lesson, a corollary to my thesis.

"If you're trying to lose weight, start by getting more sleep."

Before you begin a new diet, before you start going to the gym more, do this one thing. Don't skip it. Don't think that you'll work on it along the way. Do it FIRST.

Why?

-A well rested person has energy and endurance. If you haven't had enough sleep, you won't have much luck following a workout routine.

-A well rested person has willpower. If you haven't had enough sleep, you don't have the mental energy to resist temptations.

-A well rested person has a more positive outlook. Being tired makes you grouchy, irritable, and negative. When you feel that way, you're more likely to think things like "Screw it, I'm having a cupcake, it'll make me feel better" or "I'm not working out today, it's not like it matters. I'm never going to lose weight." These thoughts are destructive to you and your weight loss. Being rested may not stop the dark thoughts, but it sure makes them quieter.

Adequate sleep, in other words, creates an environment in your mind and body that is conducive to weight loss. It dries out the kindling.

Let me emphasize again that you shouldn't skip this step. I know it's tempting. Our tendency is to read this sort of "health class" advice with a kind of "Yeah, yeah, I know I really should" mentality. You know it's important but you want me to get on to the part about actually losing weight.

And that's the kind of thinking I have to break you of.

This is not a "tip" that will "help" you lose weight. This is how you actually do it. If you are trying anything else without doing this, you are striking matches and dropping them to the ground, hoping to start a fire. They may burn for a bit, may even light a scattered leaf or two. But if you really want to do this, we're going to need good kindling. If you can't manage something as simple as altering your sleep habits, what's the rest of it good for?

You've got a week. I need 56 solid hours of sleep from you. Do whatever you have to (within reason): reduce your caffeine intake, skip out of the party early, miss your favorite show so you have time to shower and brush your teeth.

Do your best, and I'll see you back here next Friday.*

*That is unless you're reading this after the series is finished, and can just read on to the next post. Screw you, future-man!