-Hi Sam, how are you?
-I'm good.
-Just good?
-What's wrong with "good?"
-Nothing, I guess. But that's all? You're just "good," you're not "great?" Is something wrong?
-So you're saying that if I'm not "great," then something is wrong with me?
-Well, no, but I just thought . . .
-It used to be "fine."
-What?
-"Fine." That's what I would say when people would ask me how I was. But I had to stop using that word, because every time I said it someone would respond "Just fine?!!" It was like "fine" suddenly meant "I got mauled by a bear today." That's how people reacted.
-Well yeah, fine isn't very good.
-Actually it is. In fact that's exactly what it means. As in "fine wine" or "the finest things in life","refined," it does mean "very good," that's the definition. But somehow that wasn't enough, and I had to step up my response to "Okay."
-Just "Ok?"
-Yeah, that's exactly what everyone said, "JUST OK???" I should have known better. I mean if "fine" meant "I got mauled by a bear today" then "Ok" must mean that the bear was riding a shark. And that's why I started saying "good." But now even that's not enough.
-Why does this bother you? Aren't you glad that people are concerned about you?
-But they're not. Saying "how are you?" doesn't count as genuine interest. It's a greeting. It's a way to acknowledge someone, that's all.
-That may be how some people use it, but when I say it I'm really interested. I seriously want to know how you are.
-Well, then, you are a crazy person. You are ignoring the way the rest of humanity uses that phrase and expecting everyone to divine your own interpretation. You are going around asking your acquaintances a deeply personal question, the answer to which is as nebulous as the depth of the human soul, a complex state woven of mixed emotions, spiritual conflict, and physical comfort. You are expecting to have real, intimate connections with nearly everyone you meet and you're willing to sit and wait while each person details all the aspects of his life for you.
-Yes. That's right. That's what I'm doing.
-And you don't think that's weird?
-No.
-Even though some people are naturally quiet and reserved, and aren't be comfortable with your level of interest.
-I think those people would be better off if they opened up a little.
-Well then let me ask you a question, on behalf of all of us: What do you want? What's the thing we can say to indicate that we're mostly the way we always are, generally happy and dealing with life's little troubles as they come, experiencing our ups and downs but still enjoying the ride. Content to not ever be completely content, and a little glad that the sun always rises, that all things pass, and that the universe does not depend on us being in the best mood ever?
-There isn't anything you can say. I won't accept some vague response. I want to know how you are, I want a real answer.
-Ok, then.
I am wonderful. I am amazing. The very experience of being Sam, in this moment, is more enriching than you could possibly imagine and to try and conceive of it would shatter your grip on reality. What I once called my hopes and dreams are now fulfilled, yet completely insignificant when compared to the magnitude of each day of my life. I am so healthy that I'm developing superpowers. I'm so at peace that I can see the foundations of space and time swirling around me. My emotions are passionate like fire, but I control them the way a fencer wields a blade. I am the immovable object AND the irresistible force, reconciled in a single entity. I am joy incarnate. I AM faster than a speeding bullet. I AM more powerful than a locomotive. Here I am, rock you like a hurricane.
- . . .
- . . .
-Whatever, Sam.
-Whatever?
-Yes, whatever. Live in your quiet, antisocial world. Be a grumpy old grouch who never talks to anyone. Whatever. It's fine with me.*
- . . . "Just fine?" :)
-Oh, shut up.
*Epilogue
-And one more thing, Sam.
-What?
-Carebear stare . . .
-Huh?
*WOOSH*
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