Friday, September 24, 2010

Maybe not the answer you were looking for

-Ugh, Mondays. Can't we just fast forward to the weekend?



-Yes, we can "fast forward" to the weekend. Using an unholy machine built with reckless abandon for the laws of nature, or failing that an ancient deity who's very name warps the dimensions of this reality, we can corrupt all the temporal space between now and Friday at 5PM. Doing so will extract an unfathomable amount of the finite energy, leaving us in a threadbare universe that seems poisoned to its core. Humanity will shamble about, forever certain that something is wrong but too drained of life force to recognize the change, let alone foolishly attempt to fix it.

But then maybe I'm taking you too literally. Since the names of our days and the length of a week are mostly arbitrary, we could just "fast forward" by collectively declaring today "Friday," so that the weekend would begin immediately. Of course, all human industry and endeavors rest soundly on widely accepted standards of time, so throwing out the better part of a work week would have devastating consequences for economies world wide. The monetary and employment repercussions would likely be felt for generations.

So yeah, we could jump ahead to Friday, if that would make you happy. Just decide what you're more comfortable with: destroying our already delicate economic systems or leaving everything that will ever be to float in a sea of un-time.

Oh, and in either case, the ultimate punchline is that you won't be any happier. With nothing but leisure time, you'll drift about without purpose, unable to appreciate free time with no work to give it value.

-Why aren't you normal?

-No idea.*

*Seriously, none.

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