Friday, September 21, 2007

Go L-Block!

I wonder who you are.

Do you play video games? Do you have a friend that does? Have you read Joystiq or Penny Arcade? Maybe you just bought an Xbox one day at Target.

I have only this one thing, this single tiny view into your life, and it gives me these questions with no answers.

So who are you really, guy that only has 3 points in the Gamefaqs Character Battle Contest?

I want you to know, first of all, that I'm not making fun of you. Being able to guess who the readers will vote for each day . . . it's not something to brag about. My score this year will never appear on my resume, or even my facebook profile. The Character Battle Contest just a fun little game that some of us geeks like to play once a year and your score says nothing about you as a person. But I'm just curious, how did you find yourself at a website about video games, enter a contest about video game characters, and wind up with a score that would lose to a blindfolded dart toss?

You've had 18 rounds, friend. Eight-teen. Each worth up to four points.

And you have 3.

Who are you, and what are you doing?

I mean even if you'd picked Mario and Link to win their battles, and we're talking about Mario and Link, two of the most well known characters ever, the hall-of-famers that get called out of retirement every season to show the rookies how it's done, even then you'd have FOUR points.

But you have 3.

Are you doing this on purpose? Is this a joke to you? Were you sitting at your computer eighteen days ago, chuckling as you picked Princess Peach over Sephiroth, as though the might of a character who walked through fire with a six foot katana, the terror of a man who called down the destruction of a planet, the numbness of the evil bastard who killed Aeris and gave an entire generation of gamers their first experience with death and loss*, as though that character could be overruled somehow by an obscure veto clause in the bylaws of the Mushroom KINGDOM!

Are you someone's cat?

Did you crawl up there on the keyboard, look from your owner to the bracket form, the bracket form to your owner, back and forth until he understood? Did the two of you work out a system of meows for each of your choices? Did he try to talk you out of picking Toad to beat Ryu? Did you meow back defiantly?

Who are you Mr. 3-point guy? And what else do you vote in?

*Especially loss of materia, I had her equipped with some good stuff when that happened!

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