Seriously, backup cell phone alarm? Is this how you're going to be? Way over there on the armoire, all smug, knowing I have to get out of bed to switch you off? Why can't you be more like my regular alarm, conveniently within reach on the nightstand?
You evil little hobgoblin.
Do you even understand how many reasons there are for me to stay where I am?
1. I am tired. If I am tired, I should get to sleep. That just makes sense. I think hungry people should get to eat, is this really so different?
2. It is cold, and I'm warm. How cruel are you, asking me to get up into the cold air? It's like pouring a cup of ice water over someone.
3. Even if I do get up, I'm just going to go to work. Where I might have to do stuff. Or, if there's any justice, I'll sit around and surf the internet all day. And I can do that here! See, my netbook's right there on the floor!
But fine. FINE. I'll get out of bed, bathe myself, put on some mostly-clean clothes, and go out into the world. If that's what it's really going to take.
But you had better be careful, my little friend. Because one day I might just decide to stay here. And you know what that would mean? Eventually the power would be shut off because I won't have paid the bill, and your precious supply of fuel would be cut off forever.
Yeah, think about THAT. How long would your battery last, phone? You're on vibrate AND ring, that crap takes power!
All I have to do is figure out a way to get food to myself in bed*, and I'll be the smug one!
. . . Stupid hunger.
*"Hi, I'm calling for delivery. Yes, same address as usual, but could you ask the driver to come around to the back and pass it through the first window there? Awesome.